(Book1? The Real Magical Genius ((quikrecap?) Inspired by real events))

   One fine night, a group of card loving aliens who had observed a statistical bias that should not exist lingering in their regular pokernight, endeavoured to create a card choreography that was too intelligent for random, to clear up the problem. The problem was not cleared up. It was made worse by an easy, casual perfect completely genius answer that mimicked exactly the beyond impossible, impossible numerical ask, the very next time that they played (within 12 earth hours and the first game). That ask specified a sequence of cards(numbers) selected randomly at a specific point in a game of pokerpairs namely at the beginning of a favourite song that was on a unmarked compilation cd amongst many with the cd player set on shuffle. Exactly at the specified moment between songs leading to the exact beginning of the selected song,  when not one alien even knew that the song was on the randomly, unmarked cd selected, the exact complicated numerical sequence came up without busting the pairgame with a triple. (That was part of the ask.)" The Eureeka Syndrome ensued for a couple of lightyears travelling at spacetime bending speeds. Cutting to a consequence, a cosmic  card tournament ensued that made the Crucible seem like small, unbuttered and unparsleyed potatoes. 


Book2 (with humans who aren't ever going to teleport)?

   Mainbot stood muttering to itself and Auxbot in the Comslounge.

“You don’t understand that=s anything can happen. Those stats poison every mathematical well. Those stats make a mockery of every law of physics. I can’t now operate on any principle of certainty.”

Alientitanium arrived in time to catch the AI conversing amongst themselves. “I wouldn’t get too fussed about it!” he said, choosing a lounge seat by a big screen porthole on the west side of the lounge. Statfreak, scanning an airtablet, followed from Practice Room 1 “Anything could happen,anything could happen,anything could happen,anything could happen,anything could happen.” Mainbot continued muttering seemingly unaware of the players entry.

Alientitanium fed up with trying to resolve a compatibility problem with the new mainbot tried a new angle,“ You’re glitching again. Try simulating deep breathing.”

“Anything could happen, anything could happen, anything could happen, anything could happen, anything could happen, anything could happen,anything could happen, anything could happen!”

He raised his voice hoping to cut through, “GLITCHMODE!”

Auxbot hovering nearby suggested a reboot.

“We are not going to reboot the most expensive robot we have ever bought or wait for it to simulate deep breathing. We are going to return it for our money back guarantee next time we are near the Botshop.”

“Not an easy return.” advised Auxbot

“Forget the Mobotrobot Titanium. Have a look at this.”

“What is it?”

“Your oh so cleverly disguised probe gone viral on Planet Earth.”

“I asked the Robot to wake me up if there were any problems.”

“Stupid you.”

“I would advise a pause for a coffee while I try a work around.” Robox interjected calmly perhaps feeling a sense of loyalty to his AI companion under discussion.

“Not now Auxbot. Can you increase the length of the tail? What else isn’t comet like as far as these primitive humans are concerned?”

“Its extraordinary speed, its trajectory, its luminosity, its composition, its strange signalling , its sudden and unexpected bursts of speed. Have you got ten lightyears?”

“Enough sarcasm Statfreak! Give me that Earth print.”

Titanium studied grainy weak photos for any tech characteristics.

“Decrease the luminosity and turn off the headlights. Why were they left on for so long? Auxbot have you managed any alterations?”

“ I can’t increase the length of the tail that has now disappeared. I am an auxbot. We don’t plot or have access to Mainbot’s probes. I would suggest again that you try a reboot. Gently!”

Statfreak, considering the collectors chips the team had lavished at the Botshop, a planet built and run by AI that specialized in Robots near an undisclosed location in Spacetime, advised giving it a kick.

Auxbot took the initiative with a gentle reboot.

“Hurry up. Your probe is now trending on channel 3 and every other astro channel on Earthnet.”

Auxbot hurried instead. “I am rebooting now. Mainbot are you checking your bios? We have a problem switching off the headlights of the comet. We need your access keys.”

Mainbot responded before returning to its glitchmode unusual. “Anything could happen! Anything could happen! Anything could happen! Anything could happen!”

Auxbot keyed in Mainbot’s favourite numbers. Nothing worked. Access denied again and again. “I can try another get around to lengthen the tail.”

“Do it”

“They are now complaining that the oh so cleverly disguised probe is transmitting a high velocity message to a now broken, primitive telescope for fortyseven of their Earth’s seconds! ”

“Auxbot?”

“Sorry I am only an auxiliaryrobot, I put the headlights full beam by mistake when trying to lengthen the tail. I have gained some control .”

“There is no such thing as control. Anything could happen! Anything could happen! Anything could happen! Anything could happen!”

Auxbot relieved that Mainbot hadn’t crashed attempted a partial link without adequate processing capabilities. “You are listening. I was so worried. Can you access the updates that need adjusting? I have just managed to lengthen the headlights.”

Alientitanium passed the airtab to Stat pointing at a human male sitting behind a desk at a disclosed location. “That Earthling is at it again!”

“What’s his name?”

“Professor Loudmouth.”

“There is one who has even noisily created a scale to detect my stealth. I am now designing an alternative one that knocks points off his. It’s coming along. 1.Who flies spaceships that close to the sun? 2. This spaceship always has an obvious array of tech signals even in engine cut off. 3. Who tumbles through space? 4. Who doesn’t prefer a symmetrical ship when sling shotting in both directions? 5. Why so much CO2 and so little O2? Have you ever heard of a flying reptile? 6.

Aux offered optimism perhaps to diffuse the tension. This one is better. He’s convinced it’s a comet even with the headlights on full beam.”

“What’s his name?”

“Anton Petrov. Hello wonderful person.”

“Couldn’t we set aside our Cosmic team ethics to silence the loudmouth. A decapitation strike?”

“No! We could jinx our luck. Work on solving the problem without creating a theoretical problem with the Cosmos.”

Mainbot without giving Auxbot any helpful codes walked out of the Comslounge still muttering. “ It’s isn’t luck. It has to be luck. It isn’t luck. It has to be luck. It isn’t luck. It has to be luck. It isn’t luck. It has to be luck. Anything could happen. Anything could happen. Anything could happen.”

Indeed anything could happen!

   While most successful professors were dressing for dinner, Operation Silenceprofloudmouth was beginning with a precision dive into warm Atlantic waters from two discreet parking spots near interstellar boundary 27. Advanced stealth deflected the attention of those who did not have the most discerning of discerning eyes for advanced landing alien sub tech. Not even a ripple of the waters let alone Spacetime alerted the baywatch to the arrival of the prepped and ready to flydive to an office with an impressive desk and a probe fixated scientist. The flightboards designed for short distances and covert sea landings, made of light, durable polymer reinforced with a complex titanium alloy frame that housed several thrusters and sophisticated electronics, signalled fully operational. " Statfreak suggested fast flight positions from the offset. He lay flat on his board facedown allowing it to fix him with three strong bands. They would have to begin in aqua mode. The strengthened perpex lid closed over him. He viewed the springs and runners to see if they had coiled and alligned which would propel him at high speed through a tube to the surface where the board would adapt for terraflight, through his cushioned mask positioned just short of the front aerodynamiced rim. They had. "Emergency parachutes checked and prepped. Roll bars locked.  5,4,3,2,1! " His flightboard was the first to surface, cutting through the water into low, fast flight to shore mode. They planned to hug the shoreline in camo mode. Intel, cams and sensors focused ahead to take pictures of the oncoming ground to mimic exactly the background. It was easy to avoid detection over choppy water. The coastline was mostly rocky with sporadic human activities. They would avoid the hotspots until they had no option. No option arrived quite quickly in fast flightmode. They stowed the boards at a preselected, disused warehouse adopting an easy manner and attire of very green undergrads to mingle convincingly into a human campus.

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   Scientists are not often ahead of the curve in sporadic human activities when immersed in scans of the latest Atlas data. What seemed like a mismatched group of postgraduate enthusiasts slipped into the Prof's office with a loud discussion on geolocations. Startled he moved his foot closer to a hidden panic button.

“I think that he said yours was this one. Mine is on the left.”

He checked the group for disguised animal rights activists or even worse that awful woman of CodePink. They seemed indeed lost newcomers or misdirected again.

“Omg! Is that the UFOman! What a star!”

“UAP man Utube Supernova!”

“Oh wow! Why are you in my new dorm? I am delighted that you are though. I am your biggest fan.”

Auxbox crouching close to the floor silently moved around the desk to loose clamp Titanium footcuffs around the Ufoman’s ankles that were poised to siren.

The prof relaxed.

“That was a dorm joke! We evidently were fortuitously misdirected. Can we look at your photos? Is that you with the president?”

The prof indulgent to new, keen and obviously very bright students waved freedom to roam to examine his walls. Auxbox retreated giving him freedom to add personal touches of interesting and informative information about the many pictures displayed. He stood up and went to close his door to enjoy a private moment of student prof interaction. Auxbox kept discreetly close to his ankles camouflaging itself against the well kept flooring.

   Alientech often can’t switch off easily. Today was no exception. Titanium forgetting his new proximity to Atlas pinged the onboard location system as he gushed over the photo of a second president . A high speed message projected into the Prof’s study. It resembled a Sumarian script hovering above his desk. It disappeared as quickly as it appeared exactly when one of the students waved, the prof noted.

“Did you meet any more presidents on your travels?”

“Yes. Nixon. Do you know how to read Sumarian?”

“No. Did Nixon?”

“No. That airmailer seemed to know how to write it.”

“What airmailer? I thought that became obsolete years ago. I am an emailer.”

“Me too.”

“Did you see that message flash over my desk?”

“What message?”

“I didn’t see anything flash over your desk.”

“Me neither!”

“Sometimes reading too long can make things flash.”

True thought the prof as he examined his desk for traces of Sumarian.

   Sometimes it takes a few moments longer before an unease enters a cossetted room but sometimes unease can confound. By the time the Prof had finished preparing coffee his mind began to feel like it was beginning the Cresta Run on a particularly icy day. Something akin to a lighbulb this time not covered in Sumarian flashed a unthinkable thought of … No! No! No! But his feeble psychological denial would not prevent that thought taking further shape that resembled a yes, yes, yes. Reminding himself that a good scientist must always entertain the theoretically possible until proven otherwise, the prof with a renewed interest in his obviously bright students decided to serve the coffee with a pleasing, casual manner.

“Have you ever seen ancient Sumarian script? I have a good example. Take a seat everyone. It’s on the top shelf. Do you like coffee?”

“Sometimes. Have you got any of that sugar?”

“Cupfulls. No don’t sit at my desk.”

“Oh sorry.”

Auxbox continued quiet, poised, ready to manacle the Prof’s ankles if he threatened.

That sugar, thought the prof as he stirred coffee. Who says THAT sugar? Liverpuddlians?

“Oh I know where it is. On the top shelf next to the book on spacetelescopes. Isn’t the JWT an improvement in Space?” The professor stretched up to select a text. Perhaps all it takes is a stretch to release a trapped, little grey cell that would inspire several classic scenes. “I forgot about this quirky book,” the Prof added, “You may find this presents an interesting addition to Darwin’s theory of evolution. It has a overly verbose title.

The Problems That Kangaroos Had Evolving In The Arctic That Helped Develop Their Flippers.”

“That might be more interesting than the Sumarian. Could I borrow that?”

“Of course but you must return it. Would you like to borrow a book as well? I have a very interesting novel that I have just finished that came from flat, arid and desolate Tonga.”

“Have you got anything else?”

“Do you like music history?”

“Yes.”

“You would have to read it here. I have a very rare edition signed by those famous ambassadors of Liverpool the Rolling Stones who began at the very infamous Cavern Club. I’ll get the Sumarian first.”

“Can you get a bit more of that sugar?”

“Of course. As you know sugar is more expensive than oil and diamonds today but professors are paid more than Rockerfeller paupers and can afford, however the trade wars have stopped cane harvesting in the North Pole making these my prized last cupfulls. That could be it for sugar this year what with the frozen lakes where they thrive, beginning to warm.”

“What a nuisance!”

“Yes a great nuisance. Salt though is quite a good substitute particularly in tea and beer.”

“I always thought so.”

The Prof leaning back slowly as if admiring a beautiful manuscript moved his foot closer to the panic button not yet sure of his best strategy. Auxbox looseclamped ready to clamp at 0.02

“It’s getting close to my podcast but this could be one of those moments that I may delay to get to know you better. Can I take your hats?”

“No. They are quite valuable to us, more valuable than Arctic sugar.”

The prof edged closer as if a cat had spotted cream.

“I think that we should lay our cards on the table if not our hats.”

“Cards? Do you play cards? Are you any good?”

“Yes. My first card is a strong one.”

“What is it?”

“It’s the I can call the security of Area 51 quicker than you can say Jack Robinson card!”

“Who is Jack Robinson?”

Indeed who was Jack Robinson?

Auxbox scanned Earth Banks to precis and report.

wiki quick Myth

Jack Robinson is a name present in two common figures of speech. When referring to Jack Robinson, it is used to represent quickness. In contrast, the phrase “(A)round Jack Robinson’s barn” has the opposite connotation, implying slowness, as it is often used to refer to circumlocution, circumvention, or doing things in roundabout or unnecessarily complicated ways.^[1

 

“Titanium perhaps you should show the professor our first card that is one of our weakest.”

“Delighted. Our first card can disappear Area 51, Nevada and your desk quicker than you can say Jo Rob.”

The professor, perhaps unaware of his growing anxiety, began removing an expensive glass from his desk as he considered his second card. After a few blank moments he raised the bet instead.

A Sumarian script flashed above his desk, this time more urgently. It read. The probe has gone viral and awol. It is currently hurtling towards Earth at 135,000 earthmilesperhour. Mainbot isn’t responding. Earth impact estimated T-1256

“What did it say?” asked the Professor.

“Professor you are a scientist, an erudite man of reason. We do not have the time to finish this hand, it said. It also offered an intelligent anticipation that tells us that you shall say yes to our request to relocate this game to a more secure venue and to continue to say yes until we advise you to say no. Auxbot has already administered a vapour that shall relax you for a quick flight. Do not fear. If we do meet anyone interested in our activities, please give your secret signal that you are fine and dandy with new students.”

“Yes.”

Auxbot assisted the professor through the corridors of aspiring power. No one except a few stray but focused students crossed their easy exit to the flightboards which were already primed to launch until they were a few metres from the door. There stood Professor Loudmouth’s bete noire namely a senior fellow.

“Aaaah I was just looking for you. I wanted a quiet word. Can we talk here now?”

“Yes.”

“Infront of your students?”

“Yes”

“Are you sure you would not prefer privacy?”

“Yes.”

“I am concerned as a friend about your utube activities bringing ridicule to your reputation and the school. You should know by now that the Fermi Paradox proves no aliens exist.”

“Yes”

“So I’ll take it that you’ll cool off the social?”

“Yes.”

“Fantastic. Let’s have dinner next week without your polite entourage.”

“Yes”

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Statfreak tried not to delay to discuss the Treno Paradox that posits that Aliens if they discovered Planet Earth would likely not make contact due to the violent depravity of the human race and the fact that humans have not made contact with E.T. life. Planet Earth isn’t influenced by others yet. That fact alone makes Planet Earth’s isolated evolution of rare scientific interest. Some regions of Space are not the regions that would most likely have evolved into advanced civilization either.

 

Auxbox guided the professor onto its flightboard while repeating reassuring messages positioning itself near his feet in tuckmode. He was lucky to have window view the professor thought as the mask closed around his head while straps secured him tight to the board. Titanium checked the route for any patrols as they took off for a fast, groundhugging flight until they cleared the campus. It was quiet and usefully cloudy. The flightboards throttled to full speed. The professor eyes widened to an eyepopping stare as the ground sped underneath him. Auxbox alerted the lander to prepare to launch. The lander had moved position twice imitating whale sounds to avoid Rhode Island fishing radars and had sent two loud signals west to divert a curious coastguard west. Its new position dictated a slight change of course. The flightboards banked hard, cutting into the water just off Tappens Beach. They navigated quickly into Berth 1 where mecbots waited to rinse and prep these useful hoppers for anything that may require fast amphibious .

The professor guided to flight seat 5 by Auxbox as the Aqualander jets powered up tried to focus on one word which escaped him twice before the lander sped up to the surface and out towards interstellar space. The lander docked and clipped onto the impressive interplanetry hull with the precision of a gen6000 raptor engine. Auxbox wheeled the prof into a guest cabin to administer restorative serums. Titanium followed to counter raise the professor’s bet.

“All in!” he said, as the professor’s eyes began regaining focus.

The professor considered the merit of his second card. It didn't have much.

He searched for more chips in his pockets hoping that they might help. They were empty except for a handful of completely useless objects in Deep Space. Titanium perhaps sensing his confusion kindly folded, promising a rematch or perhaps he was actually bored and wanting a massage in the biosphere.

He gave a large chip to the professor before leaving him into the guest cabin in the care of auxbot.

Auxbot adopted the manner of senior nurse you may find in a hospital near you. It wasn't very convincing to the discerning mind and eye.

" I suggest you are very tired and would like a nap."

"Yes."

 

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Slingshotters are designed to enhance, protect and spread the stress of the slingshot and are usually found on both sides of an intergalactic ship. 

The professor slipped out of his cabin unsure of which direction would lead him back to his desk.

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“Whether the universe is cyclical or not, a multiverse or not doesn’t answer the fundamental problem that you can’t take 1 out of 0.

 

“The preinflation primordial soup could have always existed.” Alberto insisted.

“Not possible. Make 0.0 the soup. That 0.0 requires a +1.0 to change whether that change is expansion, inflation and/or explosion.

1= something that effects inflation, expansion or explosion.” .

Who was Albert Einstein to say that God does not play dice or cards for that matter?”Mainbot added before disintegrating back into a mutter that seemed to repeat the word random.

“It is quite possible if God exists that God likes a game of dice and cards. It may even probably seeing that cards and dice emerged and flourished in this um Universe or Multiverse.”

 

" E=MC2 is  beautiful. So simple a rule!"

"Beautiful but perhaps quite inadequate to explain the behaviours around."

"Anything could happen!"

"The jury's out there."

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   SpaceGamers like many space games. Martian Meteorites was one of the Dreamteam’s favourites when not playing in card tournaments.

“I told you that I had improved. There it goes. Exploding like an exploding comet stressed by the sun. Bye bye alien probe.”

“That was Borisov not Atlas.”

“Ishdenistorida” does translate into Zut Alors and some in French. “I still have one more go!

Left a bit!”

“How much is a bit today?” , Auxbot asked with a concerned tone.

“It’s entered stealth,” Auxbot updated with an even, even more concerned tone.

“I wouldn’t advise a teambreak!”, Alberto, proffered still smarting at being called a French provincial scientist by an Ivy league pretentious and poisonous plant.

Pretentious, poisonous plant or not Professor Loudmouth had instigated a nationwide manhunt with a focus on Ivy League trash cans.

“Get off your horse and lift that lid Boy!”, ordered an obvious senior in the city mounted police to a young rookie who clung onto his pommel with a grip worthy of a saloon wrestler.

“I hate lifting lids at night. You don’t know what you might find!”, the rookie pleaded considering a difficult dismount and a dismembered Professor.

“I don’t order twice.”

Submittting the rookie slid off his horse tangling his boot in the left rein. Disentangling and maintening decorum wasn’t easy enough to avoid the jeers of a passing patrol car which braked late to enjoy the spectacle.

“Looking for the Professor ? I expect that he was snatched by the Atlas aliens.”

They all laugh. “Don’t just stand there open the lid. Is he there?”

The Rookie now disentangled inelegantly, gingerly lifted the lid. His scream might have been heard in Proxima Centauri if it hadn’t been for the synchronized blast of a missile directed not this time at a Martian meteorite for twenty points but at what might have been the position of the probe now invisible in stealthmode.

“What is it?”

The rookie considering the growing number of onlookers and his lifelong reputation looked in.

“Clear! Quite clean actually.”

 

   Lifelong reputations aren’t so easily restored after “screamin’ like a ninnyboy at an empty trashcan”. The patrol screeched off already broadcasting to the station the mirth of the evening. He looked up as he remounted to avoid banging his head on the footbridge that might have been there. There high above flashed a green, blue flash of the brightest light before it disappeared into the vast of Space

 

 

 

 

 

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That anomalous human scientist is warning them that they may not want to send greetings from Earthlings to attract the attention of perhaps predatory aliens.”

“Are you kidding me? They live on one of the noisiest planets out there with the biggest flashing beacon screaming over here to any intelligent alien species and they are worried about a flying seti plaque? Have you seen the flares today?”

“He at least understands life almost certainly exists elsewhere.”

“ Their maths suggest that they are alone in Space. How is it that in one breath they admit that space is very, very big and that they are not capable of even viewing in fine detail everything in their galaxy and in their second suggest that their calculations are seriously calculating the odds of life not existing elsewhere. Life has many characteristics. Its tenacious appetite to exist is one. They don’t even know if the universe is actually a universe or a multiverse to calculate the odds.”

“To answer some of the problems with their Big Bang theory some are positing a Big Bounce theory that doesn’t answer the fundamental problem of the beginning of the Universe of course.”

“ Now what? Aliens can’t make themselves understood easily to humans? A convoluted analysis is required to find a message from advanced aliens? Why not just repeat Pi?”

3.14159,3.14159, 3.14159, 3.14159, 3.14159, 3.14159, 3.14159, 3.14159, 3.14159!

“Why did humans design windows into their early Earth to Orbit vehicles?”

“An oversight in their design evolution?”

“You said it lightyears ago. Them windows are a weak point. Space design rule 1? Don’t design in weak points unless you have very good reason.”

“I am going to the viewing lounge. The new cams are far better.”

“I am detecting a deepspacesignalrelaystation. It isn’t one of ours. I am trying to reverse engineer. There doesn’t seem to be any deep space probes bouncing data around expect yours of course that is now more unlike a comet than it was. The headlights are stuck on full beam and it’s releasing orbprobes.” Auxbot advised. “It does seem part of a large network from the initial scans almost certainly sent out randomly over centuries plus from one origin to boost speed of data collection from free flying probes. It has a number that suggests serial.”

“What’s the number?”

“62,999/snjugr”

“Can you snare it?”

“I shall try. It isn’t highly magnetic. I would have to send out a tug or net.”

“Flood Earth internet with plausible natural explanations. How about cryovolcanic exotic matter? That sounds plausible?”

“It could be part of a supernovared nickel core that defied the odds.”

“Any other suggestions? Something that was spat out of a blackhole? The humans love their black holes. It should go viral.”

"The humans of today have a dumb arrogance. It is quite clear that they are not in a position to declare that life doesn't exist elsewhere. It may take them a few centuries to understand that mathematical truth particularly when earthscience egos are involved."

"I expect it is a multiverse structured a bit like frogspawn."

"I expect that you are correct. You were the top student of cosmology and you continued your studies privately for lightyears."

"That would not be enough to prove it."

"There's a bias to many not one. Not long ago in not even geological terms, the human scientists advised with their scholastic and scientific might that there was only one solar system and in the same breath declared the universe of infinite proportions. Only recently they showed surprise that they have discovered new galaxies that they did not know had existed. "